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The LAVA Style
When we are at our best, the LAVA group follows a certain style:
- We try to build an atmosphere in which everyone feels encouraged to speak without needing to compete for the floor.
- We make others feel free to express their ideas, even if we disagree with them.
- We try to speak in a way that draws attention to the book, not to ourselves.
- We try to speak as much from the heart as from the head.
- We look for signs that we may have steered the conversation to a topic that is not working, and we defer to others who wish to introduce new topics.
- We notice how much we have spoken, and if we have been
speaking frequently, we sit quietly for a while and listen.
If that leads to a pause in the conversation, we don't mind; sometimes it is good for the silence to speak.
- We state our opinions as personal preferences. Instead of saying "A is better than B," we say "I like A better than B," leaving room for others to state their preferences without fear of offending.
- We avoid a tone of voice that positions us as a teacher or other authority.
- We are comfortable with differences of opinion, knowing they don't necessarily lead to conflict.
- We feel that a stimulating discussion involves support and nurturance more than contention.
- We offer our ideas the way we bring food to a pot luck dinner. We place it on the table along with other contributions, inviting people to choose as they please. Our goal is to create a great dinner together.
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