The LAVA Style

• We try to build an atmosphere in which everyone feels encouraged to speak without needing to compete for the floor.
• We make others feel free to express their ideas, even if we disagree with them.
• We try to speak in a way that draws attention to the book, not to ourselves.
• We try to speak as much from the heart as from the head.
• We look for signs that we may have steered the conversation to a topic that is not working, and we defer to others who wish to introduce new topics.
• We notice how much we have spoken, and if we have been speaking frequently, we sit quietly for a while and listen.  If that leads to a pause in the conversation, we don't mind; sometimes it is good for the silence to speak.
• We state our opinions as personal preferences.  Instead of saying "A is better than B," we say "I like A better than B," leaving room for others to state their preferences without fear of offending.
• We avoid a tone of voice that positions us as a teacher or other authority.
• We are comfortable with differences of opinion, knowing they don't necessarily lead to conflict.
• We feel that a stimulating discussion involves support and nurturance more than contention.
• We offer our ideas the way we bring food to a pot luck dinner.  We place it on the table along with other contributions, inviting people to choose as they please.  Our goal is to create a great dinner together.