A SOUTHERN GIRL KEEPS BETTER IN IOWA

CAROLINA POPCICLE

WELCOME, YA'LL!!

This is where it all began. Here I am at the tender age of 4. It was one of the first snowfalls I experienced in my native land now known as South Carolina. I was so happy, my cheeks ached from smiling for weeks afterwards. Mom bundled me up so thick that as you can see here, she had to guide me around by hand because my fat little legs wouldn't move. I played in the snow, I rolled in the snow, I tried to make a snow man, I ran in the snow, why I believe I may have even peed in the snow. All I knew then was that snow was GOOD!

After that I would see snow on tv in faraway places and the people, they acted like it was no big deal. How dare they!! I saw snow in tv commercials, on little babies' coats and blankets, but wait...why was it almost always on Christmas Cards??!!??? I knew then and there that I must make a pact with Frosty the Snowman. I gathered all the ceremonial icons-mittens, a snow shovel, 1 cup of antifreeze and a Winter Olympics brochure. I asked Frosty for it to snow every Christmas or at least maybe on my birthday. BUT ALAS, I NEVER SAID "Please let it snow in South Carolina on Christmas or my birthday".

So as the years progressed and I dabbled in profanity Frosty's name changed and I gave up on the idea of snow. I did a hitch in the USAF, lived in Kansas where I think it snowed, but it wasn't white. I moved to Washington, DC where 1/2 inch of snow constitutes every single federal agency coming to a halt. I married an Iowa boy who scoffed at snow. "Snow! Ha Ha! I scoff at you!" We married and moved here to the land where snow is not only a pain in the ass, it is a money maker. Boys and girls not only play in it, but get paid to shovel it off of mean old Mrs. Swenson's sidewalk so the postman doesn't bust his tuccus.

So now every year on Christmas since 1993 it snowed, I had my White Christmas, except this one. However, every year it snows either on my birthday or within a week of April 12th. Yes, the curse is real. Frosty got me. He haunts me in my dreams and taunts me while I scrape my windshield in the morning. So send all donations to the "Get Coleen out of Snowville" Fund Raiser. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi , you're my only hope.

MY BUSINESS WEBSITE WHICH IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Any normal girl would not make her home in a Swift and Company walk-in freezer, no siree. She wouldn't do it intentionally anyway. But that is just what I did. I told him, "I love you and I would follow you anywhere..."

Follow me through my journey through the deep freeze and experience the changing of the seasons. (They change from Winter to summer.) If you live where I do, you may find my observations offensive. If you haven't been here, you may laugh until you spill your tropical drink.

Even my kids were cold and I tried to tell them not to stand so close to the heater, but they wouldn't listen, as a matter of fact I think they got mad at me except the one in the middle, she's 50% Norwegian.