How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

Some more boo-boo's.

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

"Physical disabilities include minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customer conflicts that arouse."

Here are some interview horror stories from Daily Comix.

• . . . stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
• . . . she wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.
• . . . a balding candidate abruptly excused himself, and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
• . . . asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
• . . . announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fires in the interviewer's office -- wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.
• . . . stated that if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
• . . . interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.
• . . . when I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.
• . . . at the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, he went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.

Here are some definite "No-No's" for job interviews from Daily Comix.

Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.

Ask secretary if she'll sit on your lap during interview.

Walk into interviewers office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; 'NOW we can begin.'

When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout, "You mean Homer and Marge are in some kind of trouble?", and run out of the room.

Sniff two of your fingers hold out toward interviewer, ask; 'smell these, these smell funny to you???'

Upon walking in to the office for first time ask reception to hold all your calls.

See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.

Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; 'Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.'

Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: 'The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't ya' think?'

After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, 'Of course I was totally hammered at the time.'

Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.

Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in' job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for- '2000 Flushes'

Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor.

Allow that you would have little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.

Although parking is free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving.

A survey of personnel executives at 200 of the Fortune 1,000 companies provided the following unbelievable but true examples of job applicant behavior.

"The reason the candidate was taking so long to respond to a question became apparent when he began to snore."

"When I gave him my business card at the beginning of the interview, he immediately crumpled it and tossed it in the wastebasket."

"I received a resume and letter that said that the recent high-school graduate wanted to earn $25 an hour-'and not a nickel less.'"

"(The applicant) said she had just graduated cum laude, but she had no idea what cum laude meant. However, she was proud of her grade point average. It was 2.1."

"(The applicant) insisted on telling me that he wasn't afraid of hard work. But insisted on adding he was afraid of horses and didn't like jazz, modern art, or seafood."

"She actually showed up for an interview during the summer wearing a bathing suit. She said she didn't think I'd mind."

"He sat down opposite me, made himself comfortable, and proceeded to put his foot up on my desk."

"The interview had gone well, until he told me that he and his friends wore my company's clothing whenever they could. I had to tell him that we manufactured office products, not sportswear."

"(The applicant) applied for a customer service position, although, as he confided, he really wasn't a people person."

"Without asking if I minded, he casually lit a cigar and then tossed the match onto my carpet-and couldn't understand why I was upset."

"On the phone, I had asked the candidate to bring his resume and a couple of references. He arrived with the resume-and two people."

Know any more Resume/Interview Mistakes?
Email me and I'll add them to the list