• Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world-view.
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
• I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away.
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
• You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room.

Found in the Daily Comix.

• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
• Ahhh . . . I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be?
• Do I look like a people person?
• This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks

From Michelle.