So you're thinking about being an intern for one of our United States Politicians. Good luck. Sure, it's one of the best ways to get known in the political field and really meet people but is it worth all the risk? I've heard that the survival rate is like 17% (by "heard" I mean "I made this up for humor's sake"). If you've made up you mind and are willing to risk your life or even worse, your image, then the following may help. I've come up with the Intern Survival Guide.

Lesson 1: Choosing the right politician.
Your best bet is to work for someone of the same sex, however this is not a guarantee. However, try to find someone that you can outrun if needed.

Lesson 2: Friendship vs. Special Relationship.
It's perfectly okay to be friendly with your boss but do not come to them with personal problems. Telling a politician that you've just broke up with your boyfriend turns on the "opportunity" light in his mind.

Lesson 3: Men in Unmarked Black Vans.
People use those generic looking vans for work so they'll probably have a logo on it somewhere. Plain black vans are suspicious looking so avoid them unless you like the idea of being rolled up in a carpet and thrown into the Potomac River.

Lesson 4: Privacy.
Privacy is just an abstract idea in Washington, D.C. Do not use phones, email, letters, smoke signals, or billboards to relay personal information to a friend. Consider yourself warned.

Lesson 5: You against the System.
Remember that saying, "You can't fight City Hall"? That's the lesson. Trust me, it's just something that you're going to want to remember.