He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

From Rebecca P.