Here are a bunch of one and two liners about Bill Clinton from Rene J. Schweitzer.

Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom, because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed?

Bill Gates is in town (New York) showing all the computer executives how well Windows 98 works. But computer executives say that Windows 98 goes down so much they are thinking about renaming it MONICA 98.

It seems the big new game to play at the White House is SWALLOW THE LEADER!

In Kennedy's time we had Camelot. In Clinton's we have CAME-A-LOT.

Arkansas is very proud of Clinton. All these women coming forward, and not one of them is his sister!

President Clinton has decided to recruit interns from only four colleges: Moorehead, Oral Roberts, Ball State and Brigham Young.

The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress: "Presidue"

Some more from Rene J. Schweitzer

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don't know. I haven't had one yet."

If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?

The Native American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly.

Isn't putting Bill Clinton in charge of a trust fund as insane as putting in a draft-dodger as Commander in Chief?

Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.

Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe

Revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth, as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know, so help me God."

Question: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

Answer: 1 U.S. leader (Found in Twisted Humor).

Question: What do you get when you cross a dishonest politician and a crooked lawyer?

Answer: Chelsea (Found in Twisted Humor).

Question: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?

Answer: She's withholding evidence. (Found in Twisted Humor).

Question: What did Clinton say as he was looking out at the crowd of 500,000 in Africa?

Answer: Hey, who's the blonde chick? (Found in Laff A Day)

Al Gore took over when President Clinton's ski accident left him in a coma. When Clinton recovered a year later, he asked how the country was doing and learned that the world was at peace, the postal service was running smoothly and that stamps only cost 365 shekel.

Question: What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?

Answer: I-40.

Did you hear about the new Bill Clinton Commemorative Holiday Belt Buckle?
It's made out of Mistletoe!

This is a most confusing time: The leading rap singer is white, the world's best golfer is black, and Bill Clinton just got back from Vietnam.

Question: Why are Democrats better in bed?

Answer: You've never heard of getting a good piece of elephant, have you?

Question: Why is President Clinton so reluctant to decide the fate of Elian Gonzalez?

Answer: Because last time he made a decision about where to put a Cuban he was almost impeached.

Just think, Monica Lewinsky turns 28 years old this year! It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling around on the floor of the Oval Office.

Question: Why is Hillary upset?

Answer: She may have been the FIRST LADY, but she won't be the LAST.

Know any more Clinton Quickies?
Email me and I'll add them to the list