Blames Pick on Media Cowardice, Jews

Osama Bin Laden protested his loss to Rudy Giuliani for Time Person of the Year today, calling the decision "gutless, feel-good PR sellout."

In an exclusive interview with Media Person, the al Qaeda terror chief asserted that "Everyone knows I got screwed on this one. How many times has the Zionist-controlled U.S. media said, 'Everything changed on 9/11'? Well, who did 9/11, huh? Duh! Me, that's who."

Speaking from an undisclosed South American country where he is in hiding disguised as a llama herder, bin Laden contacted Media Person by cell phone and angrily vented his feelings on the magazine's Sunday announcement for more than a half hour.

Aides could sometimes be heard in the background, urging him to hang up for fear the call might be traced by U.S. authorities, but bin Laden repeatedly silenced them, saying, "Hush, my brothers! Another great injustice has been done. Again they humiliate the Islamic world."

A spokesman for Time said that while bin Laden had made the final cut, along with Giuliani, President Bush and Nicole Kidman, "ultimately, we decided to move in a different direction."

Bin Laden also made these points in his apparently impulsive, off-the-cuff call:

"They gave Man of the Year to Hitler and Stalin so they can't say it only goes to good guys."

"I'm not taking anything away from Giuliani but let's face facts: Without me, he had no occasion to rise to."

"Sure, Time would've had some subscriptions canceled in the U.S. but they would've made up for it in Pakistan and Yemen."

"This James Kelly, who is the ruler of the Time magazine, he's Jewish, right?"

From Marcus.