. . . Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.

. . . you get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

. . . you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

. . . you sleep with your eyes open.

. . . you watch videos in fast-forward.

. . . you lick your coffeepot clean.

. . . your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

. . . the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

. . . you can type sixty words a minute with your feet.

. . . you can jump-start your car without cables.

. . . your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.

. . . you don't sweat, you percolate.

. . . you've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.

. . . you go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

. . . you've worn the finish off you coffee table.

. . . the Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

. . . Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.

. . . you're so wired you pick up FM radio.

. . . your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."

. . . instant coffee takes too long.

. . . you want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

. . . you name your cats Cream and Sugar.

. . . your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

. . . your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

Found in Twisted Humor.

. . . you ski uphill.

. . . you have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."

. . . you answer the door before people knock.

. . . you just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

. . . you can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

. . . you spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

. . . you're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

. . . your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."

. . . you're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

. . . cocaine is a downer.

. . . all your kids are named "Joe."

. . . your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

. . . you walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

. . . you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

. . . you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."

Found in NetDummy Humor.

. . . at the doctors office you replace "How many cups of coffee do you drink in a week?" with "How many GALLONS of coffee do you drink in a week?" (from KISbrwulf)

Know any Signs of Too Much Coffee?
Email me and I'll add them to the list