Points to Ponder

These were submitted by Shawn Rung.

When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
What's another word for synonym?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor and planes don't have a row 13, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
How can there be self-help groups?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

These were also sent to me by Shawn.

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is a fog horn made out of?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Here's one of the Tamster's personal favorites from George Carlin.

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

These were passed on to me by Rene Schweitzer.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, what does baby oil come from?
How did a fool and his money get together?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream containers?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an Algebra?
How do I set my laser printer on "stun"?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of the song?
What happens when none of your bees wax?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
If most car accidents happen within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move ten miles away?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?
And whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?
Why do you read stuff like this when there are no answers?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

These I found on an old disk.

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

The following are from Daily Comix.

When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?
Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next Exit"?
If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between here and there?
When you go into a hotel you always see reception. Why do you never just see ception?
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra would they get a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Why is there always one in every crowd?
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?
Why do hair shampoo instructions say "Lather. Rinse. Repeat"? If you did this, would you ever be able to stop?
Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company that sells refrigerators?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Some more from Daily Comix

If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?
If all the world's a stage, and all the people players, why isn't there better acting on 'Baywatch'?
If you got into a taxi and the driver starts driving backwards, does she/he owe you money?
If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?