The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
(Women's restroom, Murphy's. Champaign, IL)

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
(Men's restroom, Murphy's. Champaign, IL)

Beauty is only a light switch away.
(Perkins Library, Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.)

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
(Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.)

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
(The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.)

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
(The Bayou. Baton Rouge, Louisiana.)

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
(Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.)

To do is to be.-Descartes
To be is to do.-Voltaire
Do be do be do.-Frank Sinatra
(Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona.)

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
(Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea. Tucson, Arizona.)

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
(Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.)

Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!
(Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.)

God is dead.-Nietzsche,
Nietzsche is dead.-God
(The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.)

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
(Revolution Books. New York, New York.)

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
(Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.)

JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
(Men's restroom, American University. Washington, D.C.)

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
(Men's restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C.)

Express Lane: Five beers or less.
(Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's. Pheonix, AZ.)

You're too good for him.
(Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's. Beverly Hills, CA.)

No wonder you always go home alone.
(Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's. Beverly Hills, CA.)

If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
(Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington.)

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
(Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts.)

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
(Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.)

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
(Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia.)

What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
(Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, Kentucky.)

These were sent in by Rene Schweitzer.

My mother made me a homosexual
If I give her the wool will she make me one too?
(Sent in by R.M.Senn.)

Know any funny Bathroom Graffitti?
Email me and I'll add them to the list