Assorted Funnies

Church Bulletin Bloopers

Submitted by Rene Schweitzer.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy"

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are afflicted with any church.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Remember in prayer those who are sick of our church and community.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a terrible experience."

Found in Daily Comix.

Don’t let worry kill you - let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Some more from Rene.

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowhip Hall after the B.S. is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 pm. Please use the back door.

A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7:00 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6:00 pm Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

The following are from Shawn.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

The following were found in NetDummy Humor.

Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.

Know any other Church Bulletin Bloopers?
Email me and I'll add them to the list

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