Blonde Jokes
How blonde was she ???
She was soooooooooooooo blonde:
Submitted by Rene J. Schweitzer
Sent in by Rene S.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle?
A dope ring.
What's the definition of eternity?
4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A whine cellar.
Submitted by Rene Schweitzer.
What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios?
Oh . . . doughnut seeds.
Submitted by wtwcap.
What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech-etc?
A blonde at a flashing red light..
Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says 'hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down'.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Submitted by Rene.
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
Submitted by Rene.
Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
A young blonde was asked by a guy who had just made love to her: "Am I the first guy you ever made love to?"
"You might be," she replied, "Your face looks familar."
Why did the blond stop wearing a training bra?
The wheels were irritating her armpits.
How can you tell when a blond has been in your refrigerator?
When there's lipstick around the sausage.
Submitted by JaniceWildthing.
How does a blonde turn off the light after making love?
She shuts the car door.
Submitted by R.M.Senn.
The following were submitted by YDN4arb.
What does a blonde say when you blow in he ear?
Thanks for the refill.
What's an advantage of being to married to a blonde?
You can park in handicap spots.
What's a mile long and has an IQ of 1?
A blonde parade.
The blonde stayed up all night to figure out where the sun went.
It finally dawned on her.
Why did the blonde snort Nutrasweet?
She thought it was DIET coke.
Why'd the blonde die while drinking milk?
The cow sat down.
How does a blonde tell if she's coming from or going to work?
Checks to see if her lunchbox is empty or not.
What'd the blonde write on the bottom of her swimming pool?
"No Smoking."
What did the blonde write on the bottom of her fishing pond?
"Bring your own fish."
How many blonde jokes are there?
None -- they're all true.
What did the blonde say when she saw a banana peel on the sidewalk?
"Aw, no! I'm about to fall again!"
What's a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What's 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A case of empties.
Why can't a blonde make instant oatmeal?
She looks on the microwave for the "instant oatmeal" button.
How'd the blonde burn her feet?
The directions for making soup said "Open can. Stand in boiling water for 7 minutes."
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
She wanted chocolate milk.
Why don't blondes make ice cubes?
They don't know the recipe.
What's a blonde's highest ambition?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What are the six worth years in a blonde's life?
Fifth grade.
What's 6 inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.
What do you call a blonde in college?
A visitor.
How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?
One.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
It's easy to spell.
What do you call a fly buzzing around a blonde's head?
A space invaded.
What do you see when you look in a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.
What do you call a blonde in a tree with a briefcase?
The branch manager.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't have to. They're born that way.
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
Kept breaking them with the hammer and nail.
How did the blonde kill herself?
Put all her clothes in the middle of the floor and jumped off.
Why doesn't a blonde ever talk during sex?
She was told never to talk to strangers.
Why'd the blonde fall off a bridge?
She was smoking a cigarette on a bridge and threw the wrong butt off.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run! She has a grenade in her mouth!
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
Knock on the door.
Why did the blonde climb to the top of the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
If a brunette and a blonde fell off a cliff, who would land first?
The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Why was the blonde's brain pea-sized in the morning?
It swelled overnight.
How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.
What does a blonde owl say?
What? What?
Why did the blonde keep a coathanger in her back seat?
In case she locked her keys in her car.
Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
She missed the Earth.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her boyfriend's car?
She bumped her lips on the tailpipe.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She threw out all the W's.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and another to call Daddy.
How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer?
There's whiteout on the screen.
How do you know ANOTHER blonde has been working at your computer?
There's crayon writing on top of the whiteout.
What does a blonde do when someone says it chilly outside.
She grabs a bowl and a spoon.
What do you call 3 blondes who walk into a bar? I don't know... you'd think one of them would have seen it.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Prop three shovels up against a wall, and ask her to take her PICK.
Why are there no brunette jokes?
Because the blondes would have to make them up.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
A bird pooped on the head of brunette. She asked the blonde to get some tissue.
The blonde said, "Why? He'll be gone by the time I get back!"
Why don't blondes know how to write the number eleven?
They don't know which one comes first.
A blonde's house was on fire. She called the fire station. The fireman asked how to get to her house.
The blonde said, "In your big red truck. DUH."
How do you know a blonde has been using your computer?
Because there's a piece of cheese in front of the mouse.
Why did the blonde drive around the block 37 times?
Her right-turn signal was stuck.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
An officer stopped a blonde for speeding, and asked to see her license.
She said, "How can I do that? You just took it away from me yesterday!"
Did you hear about the two blondes who were found frozen to death at the drive-in?
They wanted to see "Closed for Winter."
Why was the blonde upset when she got her driver's license?
Because she got an F in sex.
What did the blonde say to the physicist?
"I just LOVE nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
How did the blonde die while ice fishing?
She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.
What's the mating call of the blonde?
I am SOOOOO drunk!
What's the mating call of the brunette?
"All the blondes have gone home!"
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
"I SAID... I'M DRUNK!!!"
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why did blonde hold her hands tightly over her ears?
She was trying to hold onto a thought.
Why did the blonde cook a chicken for 3 1/2 days?
The directions said cook 30 minutes per pound, and she weighed 110.
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
Why did the blonde climb to the roof of the bar?
She heard drinks were on the house.
What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?
Some people have seen Elvis.
How do you amuse a blonde for days?
Take a sheet of paper and write on both sides "See other side."
Why don't blondes like the SAT?
Too hard to spell.
Did you hear about the blonde who was blind for ten years?
One morning she just forgot to open her eyes.
What do people in silent movies and a blonde who's reading have in common?
Their lips move, but no sound comes out.
Why'd the blonde bury her driver's license?
Because it expired.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
How do you get a blonde to be quiet?
Tell her "Penny for your thoughts."
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
What was the blonde psychic's best trick?
An in-body experience.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch 'n' sniff at the deep end of a swimming pool.
A blonde and a brunette are walking, when the brunette says "Look, a dead bird."
The blonde looks up and says "Where?"
What do you call 4 blondes standing next to each other?
A wind tunnel.
What do you call a blonde's date?
A hostage.
What did the blonde say when she saw the words "YOU ARE HERE" on the store's map?
"How does it know?"
What do you get when you put a blonde in the freezer?
Frosted flakes.
How do you put a sparkle in a blonde's eyes?
Hold a flashlight to her ear.
What's the difference between a blonde and a penny?
The penny has more cents.
Know any more Good Blonde Jokes?
Email me and I'll add them to the list