There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.

The noise would always wake up his wife, and the smell would cause her eyes to water and choke while gasping for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one off. He always would tell her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to go to a doctor to see if anything could be done, but her husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and laughed in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away. She told him that there was nothing natural about it, and if he didn't stop, he would one day, "shoot his guts out." He said, "Naw, no way... That could never happen!"

More years went by, and his wife continued to suffer, and he continued to ignore her warnings about "shooting his guts out."

One Thanksgiving morning at dawn, his wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, made gravy and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to her. Had she found a way to solve her husband's problem? With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey's guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs before her flatulent husband would awake.

While he was still soundly sleeping, she pulled back the covers and gently pulled down her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.

About an hour later she heard her husband awake by his normal loud butt trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps, as he raced to the bathroom.

She momentarily lost control, as she rolled on the floor laughing, while tears ran down her cheeks. After years of the every morning torture, she had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came down the stairs in his blood-stained underpants, pale faced and with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing, and asked him, What's the matter?"

He said, "Honey, you were right! After warning me all these years, and after the way I always ignored you, it happened!"

She innocently asked, "What happened Dear?"

"Well you always told me that I would end up shooting out my guts someday, and today it finally happened. But don't worry, I shoved them all back in."

Submitted by Rene J. Schweitzer.