The following were found in Daily Comix.

Have you heard about the new Cray?

It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

Have you heard about the new Cray?

It's so fast, it requires TWO halt instructions to stop it!

Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer. It has a 150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk storage, a screen resolution of 1024x1024 pixels, relies entirely on voice recognition for input, fits in your shirt pocket, and costs $300.

What's the first question that the computer community asks?
"Is it PC compatible?"

Isn't it odd that all the members of the Association for Computing Machinery are human? (I've been thinking of signing my home computer up.)

What do you call a computer scientist?

It doesn't matter what you call him. He's too involved with the computer to come anyway.

Why do Computer Science majors smell so bad.

So that blind students can hate them too.

How do you tell an extrovert computer scientist?

He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?

Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Did you hear about the Microsoft crystal ball?

Ask it something and it replies: "Answer unclear. Add 20 Meg of RAM and ask again later."

How many MS engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just define darkness as an industry standard!

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

Found in NetDummy Humor.

Know any other Computer Oneliners like these?
Email me and I'll add them to the list