One of the first things I was told by Pastor Shivley during our premarital counseling was that during the wedding rehearsal and ceremony, I was to be the groom, not the pastor. I was not in charge. I was not in control. Good advice.

Unfortunately, he forgot to tell it to both of us. The instruction was directed at me alone. Not terribly smart. About halfway through the rehearsal, Pastor Shivley rolled up his notes and bopped Sarah on the forehead in imitation of those recent V-8 commercials. “Stop it. You’re not in charge either.”

Those of you who attended my wedding ceremony got to hear the epilogue of that little event when Pastor Shivley made mention of it, enlightening everyone of how he had to tell Sarah that she wasn’t in charge. That comment elicited chuckles from most of the crowd, and I’ve heard more than a few of you comment about it yourselves.

I’m having a little fun at my absent wife’s expense in part, because I know that a big part of what makes this so funny is that I am exactly like her. Pastor Shivley had to give me specific instructions to sit back and shut up, because he knew if he didn’t tell me, I was going to kick into Pastor mode and forget all about being the groom. He just didn’t realize it was just as important to let other control-freak that as well.

Sarah and I dealing with each other’s propensity for control is going to be one of the more interesting aspects of our growth together as a couple. But what does all this have to do with the Gospel message for today? Well, quite a bit in fact.

You see, very often we have within all of us this hunger, this desire, this need to be in control, to be master of our own destiny, to call all the shots, to be in charge of our lives. It is a hard thing often times for us to place our absolute and complete trust in another, because by doing so, we are surrendering that element of control.

For this reason, many times our relationship with God looks an awful lot like how Sarah’s and my relationship with one another might look like from time to time, where both halves of the relationship wanting to be in charge and calling all the shots at the exact same time. Obviously you can’t have two bosses, two leaders at once, and a big part of all human relationships, marriage in particular, is to learn how to compromise and to surrender our own will to the other through faith and trust.

Now the key difference is that a marriage or a friendship is a relationship between two equals. Our relationship with God is not one of equality. We are human. We are the created. He is God. He is the eternal. Not equal. Not even close.

When we look to our Scripture texts for this Sunday, we find this curious parable that Jesus tells of two men who build homes. The first man, the wise, builds upon rock. The other, upon a shaky sandy foundation. The first is the one who takes the words of Christ to heart. The other does not.

This parable is preceded by a warning about people who by all appearances are like the first man, the one of rock solid foundation. They do deeds of power and charity, and yet Christ denies knowing them. The truth is, these are people who rely upon themselves. In that debate between them and God about who is in charge, these are those who stand firm and say “It’s me. It’s not you, God. I’m in charge.”

“I’m in charge. I can save myself. I can do good on my own. I don’t have to surrender my will to you. I can do it myself.” That’s their position in their relationship with God. It’s our position, when we ourselves refuse to surrender our will to our creator and savior. “I can do it myself.”

But where does that get us? Even at our best, our plans are never perfect. Even with the best and purest of intentions, there are flaws, mistakes, setbacks. And at our worst? That’s another story entirely. All the nightmares of human experience and history are born of people who thought that being in charge of their own life wasn’t enough, that they also needed to control and dominate others.

This is the sandy foundation, the one upon which our house will not stand. What we need instead is a foundation of rock, one that will not fail us. What we need is to remember that we are not God. God is god, and he’s the one that’s truly in charge. He’s the one that has provided the fail-safe way of salvation. He’s the one to whom we can surrender our will with complete trust, because he has promised to each of us that because of his son, because of Jesus Christ, he will never forsake us.

Maybe there is one other thing in common between our human relationships and our relationship with God. You see, in a marriage or in a good solid friendship, there is a bond of love between the two. Love is what allows us to surrender our will to the other, to make that compromise, because we know the other has only our best interests in their heart. This sort of love is what God has for us, but it is a love greater than we can imagine, a love stronger than death. Love that sent Jesus Christ to this earth to live, die, and rise again for our sakes.

Many of you know that before the wedding, I got to see one of my favorite bands in concert in Philly: The Cure. One of their songs is titled “Trust,” and while the verses of the song are, as you might expect, the words of a human relationship, the chorus sounds like something God might say to us.

Still the hardest part for you is to put your trust in me
I love you more than I can say. Why won't you just believe?

The rock, the foundation of our lives, is God’s love. It will not fail us. Trust in that. Amen.