Pearl Frances Wigglesworth (yes, her real name) wrote the following entries when we were living in Texas.
March 12, 2000
Today we went for a drive in our new car. Mommy says the car is "sandalwood". Daddy says the car is "brown." I think the car is cozy except when it's hot and then the car is like the inside of the bbq.
April 21, 2000 -
We went to the Dinosaur State Park today. It wasn't such a great trip. There were huge monsters in front of the gift shop. Daddy said they were pretend dinosaurs but I barked and barked to warn everybody anyway. They were laughing so hard, I don't think they heard me.
I liked the park better than the scary monsters except when I fell into some big puddles by the river. Daddy must have been scared too because he was shrieking like a Girl Guide with a squirrel in her tent. When I finally finished splashing and racing through the puddles at high speed , I looked at Daddy. He was covered in mud. He must have fallen into the puddles, too.
The worst part of the day was not at the Dino State Park at all but another place called "Fossil Rim". I don't know what a "fossil" or a "rim" is but I think they mean "big, scary bird that is going to peck through the car window and eat you." We drove around in our car for a million hours while all sorts of scary animals with horns and teeth came up to the car for food. Daddy fed the animals while Mommy shrieked and rolled her window up. I was pretty brave except when something called an "emu" came to the window. That thing was the scariest thing I had seen all day besides the monsters at the Dinosaur Park. I barked and barked and told Mommy and Daddy to drive away VERY FAST but they were laughing pretty hard at something so I don't think they heard.
February 3, 2001
Dear Diary, I am sorry I haven't written in so long, but Christmas came!
March 22, 2001
We drove all the way to Oklahoma today. I think Oklahoma must be somewhere in Canada, though, because it's so far. I tried to sleep most of the way, but Mommy and Daddy kept waking me up. They were singing their guts out. If I was the kind of dog that howled, I would have howled. Instead, I licked my pillow.
March 23, 2001
I liked Oklahoma! I especially liked our room because there were stairs which Mommy couldn't block off. She tried putting a cooler in front of them, but I just jumped right over it. I ran all the up the stairs and under the bed where some nice lady had left a bunch of plastic beads. I ate a few before Mommy came and got me.
I also liked our room because there was this huge fish in it. Usually, I like fish a lot - Mommy used to give me tuna when she wanted me to do something. Then she gave up and now she lets me do whatever I want. Except she didn't want me chewing on this fish. She said it was a "decoration". I think it should have been "lunch".
March 24, 2001
Before we drove home from Oklahoma, we went to the beach. I went into the lake and drank three bellies full of water. Mommy got bitten by some big bugs and Daddy unloaded and loaded the car. I had fun eating all the stuff on the beach - sand, garbage, and rocks, but Mommy said she would rather have all her toe nails removed than stay another minute.
May 23, 2001
The man who Mommy calls the "big jerk" and Daddy calls the "contractor" came today. He is fixing our pool. Mommy said he's a mean man who eats donuts and Dr. Pepper and who uses the money we give him to go on vacation - A LOT!
May 24, 2001
I don't like the pool. One time, last year, when the pool wasn't broken and it was full of water, I fell in. I almost drowned but Mommy swam over Daddy's head to save me. I think we should leave the pool broken. Mommy says I might get my wish.
May 28, 2001
Mommy gave the contractor enough money today to feed all the dogs in Texas for the next ten years. Mommy said she just wants the pool fixed and filled before the ground gets good and dry and the pool explodes.
June 17, 2001
The contractor and his guys came again today. I watched them from the sliding doors. I wiggled my bum a lot and barked a few times so they would notice me, but they were too busy. What I really wanted to do was go out and play with them but Mommy said not while we're paying them.
June 22, 2001
Mommy was right: The contractor drinks a lot of Dr. Pepper! Mommy says that's why he is slow and disorganized. She said the sugar is eating his brain and the caffeine is a powerful potion that makes him say things that are not true, like, "Your pool will be fixed before the polar ice caps melt."
When I had my nap, I dreamt of drinking only Dr. Pepper for the rest of my life. I had sweet dreams.