Let me start with a hearty Happy New Year!

I am extraordinarily delighted with my significant lack of precognitive abilities. The aforementioned radio talk-show host was completely correct, and it does appear that the entire Y2K hype was so much hot air being blown in our faces. (I say this because Italy was apparently the worst prepared country in the modern world.... They had done nothing to safeguard their systems or upgrade them, and nothing happened there either.) There was also a considerable deficiency of nuclear explosion in the central New York City area.... (Though I have to admit, those seconds right before the ball drop were a really edge-of-the-seat kind of moment for me...)

A dream is just a dream... (But, I'll re-mention for the record that my original dream had the thing going down NEXT year...)

But no explosion - no lights went out - heck, it was almost kinda disappointing.... (Yeah right, and pandas'll fly outta my butt...)

The singular impression that I carried with me as I watch time-zone after time-zone slip into the New Year was the sheer quantity of fireworks consumed in each and every place. My god, we like things that go boom....

So, I add the Y2K Bug to my column of Things I Have Been Really Wrong About... (Re: My prediction that James Cameron's Titanic would never, ever, ever make its cost back....)

I was going to write here about the whole When Does The Millennium Change Anyway thing... but you know, my heart is just not in it. It's one of those arguments that just don't matter a hill o' beans - if you agree with me, it's good for you, if you believe the other - I ain't gonna change your mind...

So I sit here with very little to say to you... As I have stated before, I don't do the resolution thing. I find that I, like most people I know - just never keep them for more than a few weeks. (But for anyone who is trying - you have my complete moral support - it'd be nice to know SOMEONE managed to live up to one...)

I will note that I am once again the proud owner of an Apple-branded computer. (This column is the first I've written on one in two years plus...) My iMac DV Special Edition came in during the week. For those who don't know, the DV stands for Digital Video - and it represents my first real, tangible step toward becoming a film-maker. I need only to get a Digital Video camera and I'm set... (Actually, I'll need lighting, mikes and some willing actor types, too... But whose paying attention?...) Since I don't have a DV camera yet, I've just been playing with the clips they provide with the machine, and let me say IT IS AWESOME! I had a very cool moment when I realized the little movie I was editing together worked far better when I made the first clip the comic payoff instead...)

So I guess I'll just sign off quietly, slink into the night, and remind you that my name is Bern and last time I was WAY FAR FURTHER Out There than usual.

(Addendum---

This is the latest in a series of e-mail columns. If you know of someone who might like to read one - please feel free to forward it. If you are receiving these as a forward, send me your e-mail address at <X_a_n_a_d_u@yahoo.com> and I will add you to the direct mailing list. If you would like to stop getting these - let me know, and you are free of the cursed things... (Though I can't think of a single reason you might want to stop... ;])

If you have a comment or criticism, please let me know. (Even the grammatical stuff.) I will "publish" expansions to the theories I propose, opposing views, or even related rants. Let's shake up the world a little. My inspiration remains Unca Harlan, but the vitriol I spew is my own.

The content will vary as often as the weather in Binghamton, and may include political commentary, stories, reviews, or even a highly personal rant about the general unfairness of life. The goal is to illuminate a problem, then try to solve it. It's all too easy to point out what's wrong with society, solutions take a certain amount of creativity. Hopefully, I'll occasionally entertain, periodically inspire, and generally make you think about things...

All in all, an idea as "Out There" as I am.

---End Addendum)

(c)2000 Xanadu Enterprises. All Rights Reserved.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Sniffle loudly and act depressed and you usually get the attention of a therapist...

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