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01-01-02 "A Start To A Fresh New Year!!"

Well, after a rather busy weekend taking the girlfriend and her son around I couldn't have asked for a more devastating way to start 2002. There had been a lot of unspoken tension building between Lori and I throughout the holiday season. I think back to Christmas night and how much I wanted to leave. Actually it's really difficult to explain as she just seemed to shut herself down inside for the holidays. While everyone around her was having a great time she was internally resenting all the expectations placed on her. We hadn't really been intimate in a few days. She says I expect it like some kind of trophy. I hope she's wrong about that, I'll need to take a good hard look at myself. Personally I look at intimacy as a gift that two people freely share with each other but maybe she's right?! Maybe I expect it as a tradeoff for all the things I do for that one person?! Hhhhmmm?!

Anyway, here I go beating around the bush!! New Year's Day arrived and we had watched the baby (her grandchild). After dropping him off Lori and I headed back to Neenah. I wasn't going to stay because I had school the next day and I felt she needed her space. The trip down was pretty much silent as she slept most of the way. When we pulled into the valley she finally started to talk to me but it was small talk big time!

Here's my plan... I'm thinking she needs some time for herself and I'm not exactly liking the way I'm being treated (she was taking a lot out on me that I didn't have coming, some of which I probably did though in all fairness). "Lori, maybe you need to spend a little time without me?" I was going to say, adding, "I still want to be with you but maybe we need to slow things down until winter is over" (winter is absolute hell for her as she needs more sunlight than most).

Well, I never got the chance! "I'll be the bad guy! We're through!" (again, in all fairness it was said with much more sensativity than that but that's the guist!)

Over! Finito! End Of Picture!!

I seriously was a really decent guy to her and I tried not to expect too much but I do have drives and I do desire to see things completed. I may be a dreamer but I try to be a realistic dreamer! She managed to come quite a distance with a little help from me but she only wanted to go so far.

I wanted something to change but I didn't want it OVER!

You may think ill of me but I got her to sign a release form for my movie before I left. I felt like such a jerk but I didn't need her getting mad and pulling her footage after I worked so ungodly hard getting my movie made!

I found myself driving down Highway 41 in Appleton with tears flowing in my eyes once again (reflecting on another cold winter day many, many years past) ! I also couldn't help but laugh at how fate had chosen to start 2002 for me!

Happy New Year All!!

01-02-02 "Back To The Grind!!!"

My students were really good today. I filled them in on how my new year had started and they were very sympathetic. Kids can be far more decent than some people give them credit for!

I decided to make a short video with my Junior High students before the end of the semester. Now, to get them to come up with an idea. They're a very creative bunch but this trait often tends to make planning difficult as they get so far off the original story it becomes anti-productive! They are natural born actors though!

I actually got a chance to start some of my own art work also. There's a show coming soon and I'll need to get something ready! I'm planning this painting that represents the massive time crunch I've been in. It should be interesting.

Also, I'm considering adding a bit of an artwork gallery to my web site?!

01-04-02 "Friday Already!!"

Days go by and things slowly begin to even out. I still think of Lori quite often but I'm beginning to realize that many aspects of her were not right for me at all. She is a very beautiful girl but she also has a lot of issues.

She'd be absolutely pissed off if she knew she was being included in these entries, for that reason I'll offer her a little respect and keep the real dirt to myself!

Holy man!! It was nearly impossible to get my Junior High kids to come up with some kind of a working idea!! The plans completely changed three times! Just when we'd get rolling on one idea they'd come up with another and we'd have to go that direction. They wanted to do a story with a killer janitor but I was afraid that wouldn't be appropriate. We're working with a super fast kid instead. I'll let you know how it goes.

It also feels pretty good to get a little writing done. It feels like forever since I got anything substantial written. I have a nice little short script in the works called, "The Terrible Secret" and thoughts of "The Day After" still linger in my mind. I know Darby wants to get together to do some planning on this concept but we need to finish his short, "One Unselfish Thing" before we get too crazy with other projects! It's too darn close to completion to ignore!

01-07-02 "Now What?!!"

I got an official letter from the festival personel basically telling me that my movie made it there on time. Now I get to sit back and sweat to see if it's going to be accepted or not?! I need to somehow grow some confidence and realize that if it doesn't make the festival I'm still a success. That's far easier said than done though.

A few weeks back I received my fourth rejection notice from the Herb Kohl Teacher's Fellowship commitee. That set me back a bit and caused a little swearing. I mean, come on! I've been nominated FOUR TIMES!! I've filled out the paper work FOUR TIMES and I don't even get some constructive assistance as far as what I'm doing wrong?!!! I know I'm a good teacher, I'd just like some recognition so I can say to all the folks telling me I'm doing it wrong, "No, I'm just doing it a bit different than you!"

I'm concerned with how I'd take the rejection of the festival?! I realize this is project one in a line of projects and this one, while pretty darn good in places, lacks a bit in others. I'm looking into a film festival in Hurley, Wisconsin that would almost certainly take our project. They are dedicated to low budget it seems. There's got to be a ton of other festivals that would love to show our movie. You bet your sweet kiester baby!!

Weekend one is done, I have a little fun. The first weekend without Lori in my life was rather tough at times but I'm a big boy and I realize I'm going be alright. I went out chasing girls with Weasel, Barn Cat, and Big Les but in Marion there weren't any girls to chase so we just ended up playing cards at the local establishment. Oh well, she's out there... I know!!

I'm going to put a little time into revamping the old web site also so watch for a few changes... like an updated journal!

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