The Towers

Copyright (C) 1997 by Charles Tryon


11: Leaving and Joining

The time spent in town passed quickly. Some of the others took advantage of the time to seek out more training, polishing their skills. The group met over supper most evenings at the inn, exchanging more stories, moaning about sore muscles, or boasting about new spells learned.
Schimray continued his nightly visits with GreyEagle. He was content to talk with her and hold her hand or stroke her hair. He spoke a great deal of his past travels, and of many adventures. At first it seemed as though this thoughts had been of courage and honor, but as their times together went on, the realities of bitterness, guile and death began to color his narratives in dreary shades of brown and grey. Although surrounded by people most of the time, Schimray still seemed to be a lonely wanderer. One night, a week after their return to Arabel, he told her of a terrible fight against creatures from a dark plane. He stood by the open window again and looked out into the night as he spoke, and his voice was slow and painful.
"I had finally found a companion, a girl much like you. Quiet and thoughtful, she had an inner pain which gave her strength. I think that is what drew me to her, just as it has drawn me to you. We talked of many things, especially what we were going to do upon finishing our quest. She was brave, and knew what it meant to look death in the eye. We knew that our way would be dangerous, but we thought our love would carry us through." He paused for a long moment, and the silence hung heavy in the room. "She never returned from the labyrinth of the dark one." Schimray spun around to look at her, and a dark rage twisted his features. "I swore that day that I would avenge her." As he stood there, it was as if his form had grown to a great and terrible force towering over her, and a chill whipped through the room. "The dark creature you seek is a servant of Orcus, and I will not rest until we have brought him down."
He looked down at GreyEagle and saw her shaking, terrified by his passion, and he remembered where he was. Slowly, the darkness passed, but GreyEagle could still see the sorrow of his loss reflected in his eyes.
"I will take my leave now," he said abruptly. "I only wanted you to understand a little of what drives me, and the forces that have led me down the path I now take. Think of me what you will, but do not judge me too hastily, for I too have known sorrow. I fear now that I cannot claim you, lest I lose you too." GreyEagle was still too frightened by his outburst to respond. He stood silently for a moment before he spoke quietly. "I will not come again at night, nor will I see you again until you are ready to leave. But I will again use my magic to protect you, as best as I can." With a flourish of his hands and a muttered incantation he called upon his magic. A fine dust flew from his hand and settled in a thin mist around her. GreyEagle was too frightened to move as it swirled silently around her, but then suddenly it was gone. Schimray turned to leave, and GreyEagle reached out her hand to try to stop him, but he slipped through the door and was gone. She wanted to call out to him, to beg him not to leave, but the words stuck in her throat and she could say nothing. At the sound of the door clicking closed, she sank down onto her bed.
So Schimray too knew the pain of one who would never return, of a void in his heart which would not be filled. How could she, GreyEagle, take the place of that one? Would Schimray always compare her with the other? No, she could only be herself. She would have to create a new place in Schimray's heart to occupy - if he would let her.
She thought over his words again as they echoed back and forth in her mind. Was Schimray so afraid that she would not return that he too held back his heart? She shut her eyes to the tears. She had been so concerned over her own fears of Schimray, and her inability to let herself go that she had totally overlooked his pain. She had selfishly looked out for her own interests and forgotten his. She jumped out of bed and ran to the door, throwing it open in the vain hope that he might still be there, but only the sound of her own heavy breathing echoed back to her from the darkened hallway.
GreyEagle's heart was filled with an intense loneliness as she softly closed the door. Only a few days ago, her way had seemed so clear set before her. Now she was filled with doubts again. She walked over to the small table near her bed and absent mindedly picked up the dagger which lay there and turned it over in her hands. Two edges, she thought, each one as sharp as the other. You are so careful of the one edge, only to discover that you have cut yourself with the other. She thought she had been so careful, so in control of the situation, guarding her heart, yet she had totally misjudged Schimray. In her frustration, she slammed the dagger into the table top, where it stuck, quivering. She sat on the bed and closed her eyes. The image of Schimray's face came to her, now devious, now playful, now filled with pain and sorrow. In one sense, he was larger than life, filled with mysterious power and deep knowledge of hidden magics, but standing before her, he was a simple man, filled with a simple man's desires and weaknesses. She stood as a lonely fighter against the forces of blackness which sought to overcome him. She wondered if she had the strength.
The next evening she waited for him as she had the night before, hoping against hope that he would come back, that he had been mistaken or had spoken rashly when he had told her he would not return. She sat in her chair, her hair combed and perfumed, jumping at every sound, but as the hour grew later, her hope began to fail. He will not come back she told herself. She feared that she had offended him, or that perhaps it was too late for her to reach him. Was she not good enough for him? Still, she refused to leave her vigil in her chair, even as her eyelids overcame her struggle to keep them open, and closed slowly in sleep.
She waited again the next night, but by now her hope had become an empty shell. In the morning, she stumbled out of her bed as soon as the sun touched the window and slipped down to the commons room of the inn to see if Schimray might be waiting for her there. Her heart sank once more as she scanned the almost empty room.
She couldn't bear to face the others, so she avoided them whenever possible. However, she did not want them to start wondering, so she forced herself to join with them for the evening meal, putting on a brave face and joining in on the talk and joking when she could, but her heart was not in it. During the day, she walked the streets, scanning the faces as they passed, hoping against hope that she might just catch a glimpse of him there.
Finally, she despaired of seeing him again before they left.
Another week passed by, though it seemed like an eternity to GreyEagle, making it two since they had returned from the first tower. The rest of the group was now well rested and recovered from their initial journey, and they were becoming anxious to leave. Talk turned to the next tower and where Schimray might be.
"I can't wait to get out of here and get down to business," chaffed Recuahc. "I'm trying to keep my fighting skills polished, but there is nothing quite like the real thing. At least I got to do some climbing in the hills outside of the city while we've been here."
GreyEagle looked at the young man and considered him silently. You will have time enough to practice your fighting skills my friend, she thought as she watched him talk. She wondered why Schimray had invited him to help them. She knew that there were individuals skilled at slipping unseen through the shadows, and finding ways into locked and guarded fortresses where others would be turned back. It was a skill officially frowned upon, and not often admitted to, but always in high demand nonetheless she thought with a grin. They were already well equipped for a frontal assault, but sometimes another tack was called for. She wondered if Schimray had called upon Recuahc for just this reason. Yet, he seemed so inexperienced. The road before them was fraught with dangers, and she secretly wondered if he would make it through. Perhaps though, there was tougher stuff under that exterior of fluff than she suspected.
As they ate, a serving girl handed a note to Sucaba. He opened it and read it silently, and then passing it around the table to the others seated there. When the note reached GreyEagle, she saw that it was from Schimray, and she read it anxiously.

All the arrangements have been made. I will meet you at sunrise for breakfast. Be prepared to leave by noon tomorrow.

Schimray
"Well, It looks like we're finally going to get out of here," Conrad chuckled once everyone had read the note, "though I would appreciate it if our young friend here didn't go out immediately looking for a fight. I am sure one will come looking for us soon enough." The young man rubbed his hands together in glee, while the gnome rolled his eyes.
"I wonder what arrangements the old man has made for us," Trouble asked. "Hopefully this time we won't go running out of food half way back, thanks to our generous friends."
"We did not run out of food on the way back," Ormec replied indignantly.
"Yes, no thanks to you and the girl over there," Sucaba muttered. "Fortunately, Horton was there to save our collective necks."
Ormec frowned again. "Yes, that is true. Speaking of which, where is Horton?"
The mage grunted. "Outside, where he has always been, begrudgingly staying at the back of the stable. I would certainly prefer to have group meetings in his presence. Besides, the inn here is far too public a place."
"Yes, that would be a better idea," Ormec agreed. "All the party members should be present for our meetings. And where is Raal? If he is to be one of us I would like to have a better idea of what he is doing from time to time."
On hearing Raal's name mentioned, the silent mage momentarily glanced up from his meal, but then quickly looked down again. Getting no response from the silent one, Ormec rose from his seat and walked over to him. "I want to know where Raal is." He spoke softly, but his impatience was starting to show. "If he is in your pocket, would you please have him poke his head out." He waited for a moment, but the mage still took no notice of him. Finally, Ormec could take it no longer, and he quietly called out the rat's name. With that, the mage abruptly stood to his feet, knocking over his chair in the process, and gave the dwarf an infuriated glare. He picked up his plate and mug of ale and moved to an empty spot on the other side of the table. Ormec threw up his hands and returned to his seat.
GreyEagle tried to finish her meal, but the pain which she thought she had so thoroughly covered over had now surged to the surface again. She struggled to maintain her composure as she was overwhelmed with dread at the thought of leaving Schimray again. Finally, she rose from the table and without a word, returned to her room.
As she closed her door behind her, she could bear the pain no longer, and threw herself on the bed in tears. How long would it be this time? The last trip had taken them over a month, and Schimray had told her this time that it would be even longer. She felt terribly alone, with no one else in the group who she felt she could truly speak with. If Schimray could only come with them, then she wouldn't care that the others ridiculed and looked down on her, but Schimray had made it clear that this was out of the question. There were other duties which he had to take care of, and it might even be more dangerous to have him traveling with them, attracting perhaps the attention of eyes which extended far beyond the confines of the towers themselves.
She sat up on the edge of the bed suddenly. A faint spark of hope had flashed for a brief instant in her imagination. Perhaps, just this last night, Schimray would come back to say goodbye. He had mentioned seeing her again before they left - perhaps he would come to her tonight. She viciously fought down the tiny spark, afraid to face the agony of being disappointed again, but even as she did, she rose and brushed away the tears.
The water in the basin by the mirror felt good as she splashed it over face, and it helped to calm her tightly stretched nerves. She combed out her hair and dressed as she had done so many evenings before and sat again in her chair to wait. She closed her eyes, and she could see Schimray's face there before her again. If he did not come to her again, at least she might have him with her in her dreams.
A soft knock at the door awakened GreyEagle and she quickly stumbled from her chair to open it. Her heart leapt to her throat as she saw Schimray standing there smiling at her.
"Greetings my dear," he whispered. "I hope that I did not wake you." He glanced quickly down the hall and slipped through the door, closing it silently behind him. "I can spare only a few moments," he whispered as he pulled her into his arms, "but I could not send you away without seeing your face once more, alone." GreyEagle tried to speak, but she found that she could not make her voice obey her.
Gently, Schimray pulled away from her grasp. There was a twinkle in his eyes as he produced a soft velvet pouch from a pocket deep within his robes. "Open this," he whispered. GreyEagle caught her breath as she opened the pouch to find a bracer wrought of the purest platinum. Turning it over in her hands, she saw fine traces of gold worked into its surface, forming an intricate pattern of birds and flowers. The figures etched there seemed to be almost alive as she ran her fingers over them, frozen in time by the skills of the metalworker's art.
Schimray carefully took it from her hands and closed it upon her wrist. "Wear this and think of your lovely walks," he whispered in her ear, "and think of how someday, I may walk with you. Do you like it?"
GreyEagle gasped. "It's beautiful!" Then she looked back up into Schimray's face, and her own eyes glistened. "But, it does not bring half so much joy as seeing you one more time." She threw her arms around him again and buried her face in his chest. "I was so afraid that I might not see you again before I left, that you would not come back." She suddenly let go and backed away, looking down. "Please forgive me. I should not have doubted you. I know that you have many pressing duties, and I cannot expect you to give all of your time to me."
"Yes, time presses," Schimray replied, pulling her back into his arms, "but sometimes we must put aside our busyness for that which is truly important." GreyEagle was silent for a time as he held her.
Once again her emotions raged within. What of the promise she had made to herself such a short time ago, vowing to wait? The strength of that promise stood before her now, blocking her way, but already she could feel its resolve crumbling. She had no desire to be like the ladies of the inn, sleeping with whoever was available for entertainment or profit, but the temptation was so strong now.
She would only give her love to someone who she trusted, and who she thought would return that love with the same commitment. But, had not Schimray already proven his love to her? She now knew of the pain he endured and how he patiently bore up under it. He had never forced her hand, or demanded her love. He had always shown his consideration for her feelings. He had stood by her in her terror, and picked her up when it had thrown her to the ground.
When Schimray had stopped visiting her at night, she had discovered her own terrible loneliness, and her fear of losing him. Now she was afraid that she would never be complete without him, that he had entered her heart and taken a piece of it with him. The note at dinner had brought this fear painfully to light. The thought that she might never return from her quest came rushing back like an avalanche, threatening to sweep her away. Fear gripped her as she thought of their impending battle with the powers of Orcus. Earlier, she had been too busy rejoicing over their previous victory to look forward to the next battle, but now the reality of the next tower was setting in.
Life was so fragile.
Would she have the opportunity to know Schimray intimately, just this once?
Her objections began to turn to dust before her eyes, swirling away in the whirlwind of her emotions. It felt like she had already waited such a long time. Her original test had been, would Schimray still seek her after she had been gone for a long time period, out of sight and out of mind, or was she just a momentary fancy in his eyes. She did not really want to face that possibility. Had he not already waited while she had traveled to the first tower, and been there for her when she returned? She reached up to touch the amulet which hung around her neck. Even his gifts had been given in such a way as to draw attention to her and her worth, rather than to draw attention to himself or to impress her with his powers.
Yes, she thought, she would trust him.
As she looked deep into her heart, she realized at last that this was the decision she had really made long ago, perhaps even when she had first met him. How else could she have bared her soul to him, telling him her deepest secrets? Why would Schimray have shared his deepest hurts with her? She saw his need, and wanted to fill it, but she knew too how deep the wounds in Schimray's heart were. Even if she should offer herself to him, he might still refuse her, holding back, afraid to take the risk again of loving someone who might never return from battling the darkness. She shivered at the thought.
She knew that she would to do as her heart bid her.
She brought her lips to Schimray's and drew strength from him. "Schimray," she asked softly, "can you give me just one last thing? I know you cannot stay long, but just a little while, can you be with me? I will understand if you cannot, for I know that time presses us." A curious look flashed across Schimray's face for a moment, but he nodded to her that he would stay.
GreyEagle blushed as she forced her eyes to meet with his. "At first, I thought you were like all the others, rough and crude, but I have found now that you are different. You are water and air to me - you make me grow rather than forcing me down under your hand. For so long, I have been driven before the storm. Now you have given me a port to return to, a place to rest from my wanderings and put down my weary head."
She pulled Schimray gently towards her bed. "What I give to you," she whispered, "I have never given to another. It is yours alone, to have forever. I know not where the future will bring us, or even if I will return. I know only that I love you, and that I give you my love to the full." As she stood next to the bed looking into his eyes, her gown slipped silently from her shoulders and she stood before him.
For a moment, Schimray was stunned, but he then pulled her close. "You tempt me too much my love. I promised myself that I would not touch you until you asked me, but I never guessed that it would be now." He sighed and thought for a moment. "I should not stay, not even for a few moments, but I find I cannot make my body obey my command to leave. It is obeying my heart which wishes to stay in your arms forever. I will stay."
GreyEagle closed her eyes. She had been so afraid that Schimray would leave, that he would be too busy for her or not find her good enough. Now, the questioning and uncertainty was behind her, and she made herself totally vulnerable to him.
Schimray gently picked her up and placed her on the bed. However, as he lay down next to her, the reality of the situation suddenly dawned on GreyEagle. This was no longer an idle daydream or fantasy, but a real man climbing into her bed. She suddenly tensed up in a wild fear and Schimray hesitated, unsure, sensing that something was wrong. The little voice inside of GreyEagle's head screamed at her to run away, but its insistent hiss was quickly swept away by the rushing flood of emotions. She had gone too far now to turn back. She nodded to Schimray.
He was gentle and tender, and his soft words and touch brushed the nightmare away. For GreyEagle, the rest of the world quickly faded away, and she could see and feel only him.
Afterwards, Schimray cradled GreyEagle's head on his shoulder and held her in his arms for a time. The sound of his heart pounding in her ear and his deep ragged breathing swiftly lulled her to sleep.
Too soon she felt a hand gently shaking her, and she unwillingly pushed away the soft folds of sleep which had wrapped around her and opened her eyes. Schimray was sitting on the side of the bed, fully clothed and ready to leave. She could see the faint crimson color of the pre-dawn sky, and she suddenly felt a pang of guilt at keeping him so long, knowing that there were many things to do in preparation for their departure, but Schimray quickly touched his finger to her lips, silencing her worries.
"As lovely as you looked in sleep," Schimray said, "I could not leave without telling you goodbye. I did not want you to think that I had no feelings. The time I have spent with you has given me new life and these hours in your arms mean more to me than my own life." GreyEagle's feelings of guilt at keeping him there washed away with the sound of his words. Sometimes details and schedules had to wait. This had been the time to give and receive life from one another.
"I wish that I could keep you here with me forever," he said sadly, "safe and secure, but I know you would be a sad bird in a gilded cage. Do not deny it, for wandering is in your blood."
"But I only wish to be with you!" she protested.
Schimray smiled and held up his hand. "The flower does not live long once it is picked, and you would not be happy if you stayed here. But enough of that for now. You have a quest before you, and we must both think of that. There are still many dark roads to follow, but you are the light at the end of my journey. Wear my gifts and they will help to protect you. Some day, when this business is finally over and done with, I will ask you to take my hand in marriage, but for now, we must say goodbye, for the dawn is almost upon us and I have a breakfast to arrange. I will see you soon." Schimray leaned over to kiss her one more time and GreyEagle wildly returned it, the passion once again flowing through her body. He held her in his arms for a moment longer, and then gently laid her back against the pillows. GreyEagle let go, but only with a great struggle. He brushed his hand over her cheek and she reached up to touch him. Somehow, words seemed like they would break the spell of the moment. Schimray stood slowly to his feet, and after a last look, turned, silently slipped through the door and was gone.
GreyEagle lay back on her pillows. She still hurt, but it only served to focus her emotions. Schimray would be with her now, she thought, no matter where she went. He was the wind in her sails, a wind which carried her far away, and then brought her back home again. She could face the dark creature and not be afraid.
There was a small mirror in the room and she rose from the bed to look into it. The face she saw reflected there in the mirror was the same as the one she had seen the night before, but there was a subtle difference in the eyes. She returned to her bed and curled up under the covers. Best try to get some sleep, she thought, before she had to get up for the morning. She wondered how she would ever be able to get back to sleep with her body still tingling with excitement, but somehow, within a very short time, she drifted back into a deep sleep, untroubled by dreams, save for one tiny voice which continued to hiss at her from the edge of her consciousness.

== TO BE CONTINUED ==

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7 April, 1998