I AM EVERYTHING, AND
EVERYTHING IS ME
02-03-07
All religions and spiritual practices offer redemption.
The problem lies in that most individuals do not believe
themselves worthy of receiving it. No matter how many
Hail Marys, chants, meditations, fasts, etc. an
individual expresses, the belief system of Separation
from All, on which all religions and spiritual practices
are based, and its umbrella belief system of Duplicity,
are still engaged. This is the Catch 22 - to receive
redemption I must first be separate from it; no matter
how hard I try I will never reach it because It is better
than me; that which I should continually strive to be is
unattainable. Within acceptance the remembrance that I am
also ALL neutralizes this belief system. If I am
everything, what is there to compare me to? And without
the hierarchy of comparison, duplicity is also rendered
neutral. Everything is accepted as simply a perfect and
unique expression of All.
EXTRA-SENSORY
PERCEPTION
02-03-06
Lately I’ve been steadily experiencing heightened
senses. The other day as I walked past a room, I
didn’t hear the noise from the room out in the
hallway, I heard the audio as if I was IN the room. And
then the other night as I lifted a cup of tea to my mouth
the sound of the paper tag against the mug was so loud I
almost dropped it! I also keep thinking my car is making
weird noises, but it’s my hearing of the radio -
different instruments become very pronounced. And then
today when I lifted my coffee cup, it was heavy. Very
heavy. But it was also tasty. Very tasty. I think
it’s that BE-ing in the NOW, really present within
myself, allows me to create, and therefore sense, a
fuller experience. I’m not so numb anymore.
TAGGING BELIEFS
02-03-04
When I first got my computer I just hopped on and rode.
Today the thought occurred to me that I never did get
around to setting my own preferences, I just went with
the defaults, some of which I’ve found over the
years are not the most efficient for my needs. I then
thought I could get James to do this as he’s a
computer programmer, except that he probably
wouldn’t want to. I then realized that this
automatic response was another slippery aspect of my
beliefs in the rightness of doing things myself and the
hard way. I’m glad I tagged this one before it flew
by me.
Many times within the action of writing I reveal
different insights to myself. Like with the above: that
this experience is also an example of not setting my own
preferences, going with my defaults, which although are
an acceptable method, are not the most efficient to meet
my desires; and that my belief in doing things myself and
the hard way is another expression of my beliefs in
struggle and cause and effect.
RELAX TO ALLOW TRUST
02-03-01
I was talking to someone the other day about how I seem
to create very effortlessly if I allow myself. They
mistakenly thought I meant if I do nothing, it just
happens. LOL! I asked them, "Do you know how hard it
is to truly relax and allow? Are you EVER relaxed and
allowing?" Relaxing and allowing is not synonymous
with doing nothing, although doing nothing may help
facilitate relaxation and allowance. Relaxing and
allowing is trusting myself.
GONE FISHING
02-02-26
The more I allow myself to view my fear, the more I see I
have. In THAT sense, I'm the most afraid I've ever been,
but I also feel more fear-less than ever. Feeling it as
an energy (a holding of energy) has helped me identify it
and therefore address it. I used to think I was only
fearful once in awhile. NOT! I realize I've been
experiencing it for most of every single moment of my
life and this noticing allows me to release it. Forget
about VERY obvious things like the action of dying, or
the simply obvious things like people won't like me,
there's the so-automatic fears that they're barely
recognizable; that I may spill my coffee in the car, that
I'll forget an appointment, that I have the radio too
loud, that when I cross my legs my skirt may ride up -
all those GAZILLIONS of ways I am CAREFUL and
CONSIDERATE. CAREFUL and CONSIDERATE because I'm AFRAID.
It is very, very seldom when I am completely free of fear
but I'm creating it more and more often by focusing on
self and noticing where my attention is focused. Trust
and acceptance of self is the ONLY way to totally, freely
express self, and that feeling is MOST unfamiliar. And
moving into it is like opening a can of worms. When life
is like a can of worms, go fishing.
THRU A DARK GLASS
02-02-08
Have you ever met one of those people who love to
complain? You offer them choice after choice and all they
see is more problems. They want problems to complain
about and they're going to have them one way or another!
One of my conflicts is fear and I began to contemplate in
what ways I choose to experience it.
How do you take your fear? Straight up? With a twist?
Shaken, not stirred? On the rocks? With a chaser? Do you
like it thru books, movies, games, thrill rides,
surprises, physical feats, competition, sneaking,
flirting with danger, etc.?
We all like fear, it's just that sometimes we are aware
of our choosing it as an experience and sometimes we
aren't, so we create beliefs to explain and justify it to
ourselves. But it's choosing to experience fear, plain
and simple. We love our experiences, and when they are
seen for what they are, simply choices of experiences, we
remember that we are not victims of them, but they are
our choices and then we see the many more choices we may
choose from.
I like experiencing my fear thru goggles. Kind of like
those 3D or X-ray vision types, only thru mine I see
"I don't have enough money," "I'll be
victimized," and "I'll victimize others,"
among many, many others.
I asked my teenage son how he likes to experience his
fear. "When I remember I can stop it," was his
wise answer.
BREWING OVER COFFEE
02-01-29
I’ve just finished cleaning the bathroom and James
just finished the coffee. Only the dregs are left and
when added to what’s already in my cup, I barely get
a half. The next time I see him I’m gonna tell him I
think he’s a coffee pig.
As I go off to read my email I hear him enter the
kitchen. He’s putting away the dishes. His job. I
don’t think now is a good time to tell him, maybe
later. And then I realize - I’m not in the now,
I’m 10 minutes ago, and I don’t even know how
far ahead. I am not experiencing, "James didn’t
leave me any coffee or start a new pot," now, except
that I am choosing to hold it to me to re-play over and
over again in my head. What I am fretting about
isn’t even happening now. There’s nothing for
me to fret about now. I already had my nice little fret,
but I’ve held on and won’t let go. I’m
even creating it into the future when I’ll tell him
about it. And I’ll tell him about it because
I’m concerned he might just do it again - in the
very most probable future I’m creating now.
My response wasn’t wrong, but why did it piss me
off? Why was his 'method' intolerable, unacceptable to
me? Why was his not leaving me a cup or not starting
another pot 'wrong' to me? Because I hold the mirror
belief - that leaving someone a cup or starting another
pot is 'good.' Both 'methods' are neither good or bad.
They’re just choices. And besides, him being a
coffee pig inspired me to explore myself. And to top off
my cup, a half was just the perfect amount.
"CAN YOU COME OUT
AND PLAY?"
02-01-25
When did we become greedy? When did we begin placing
value on valueless things? When I was little and wanted
to play, many times either I or my friend had chores to
do first. It mattered not who had the chore, we would do
it together so that we could then play. If we wanted some
candy at the store we would pool our money to get it,
just like if we were building a fort we would pool our
building materials. We focused our attention on the
intent of fulfilling our desires and did not get bogged
down in the details oF keeping track of who was giving or
doing more. I think it was because we were focused on
ourselves and fulfilling our desires and not on what the
other person was thinking of us.
We feel greedy when we think someone else can and will
take advantage of us and we place value on that rather
than on ourselves and fulfilling our desires.
I'M SMOKIN! OR NOT...
02-01-24
My cigars have been disappearing. When I thought I had 3,
I only have 2, or when I think I have 2, I only have 1.
I’ve been chalking it up to short-term memory loss,
being scattered-brained and I even had a sneaky suspicion
that James had been stealing them. But not today. Today
as I took one out of the package there were 2 left. Then
I went and had a conversation with James. When I went
back into my room the package was empty. Empty! As any
smoker knows, you KNOW when you take your last smoke. I
have been proving to myself, in ways I cannot explain
away, that physical imagery is abstract and quite
malleable.
"TIME IS ON MY
SIDE"
02-01-22
Today while reading a book I became a bit sleepy. I
thought to take a nap and then began thinking twice. Naps
sometimes make me feel groggy and I feel I need to start
the day all over again beginning with coffee, etc. I
didn’t want to sleep away the day because there were
things I had to get done. And that was my clue to myself:
lately whenever I feel I need to do something, especially
that I need to get things done, I stop and do nothing. I
take a bath. Or a nap. Anything to stop myself from
projecting into the future and from thinking I need to
change anything and to bring myself back into the now. I
can’t do much from a bathtub.
So I opted to take a nap and as I lay down I noticed my
clock said 11:51. I didn’t fall fully asleep, I was
in that in-between area. I could hear my son playing his
video game in the background and awhile later someone
came to the door. My son came in and asked me if he could
let the utilities person into the basement. I heard them
walking below me and then leave out the back door and
just lay there awhile longer. Then I felt I was done and
got up. I looked at my clock and it said 11:51. No time
had passed. I’ve had this happen many times before,
but when I’ve lay down in silence. I easily
explained it away thinking it just felt like time had
passed, but I probably only lay down for less than a
minute. This time I couldn’t as "action"
had occurred without the passing of any time.
CATCHING MYSELF
SNOOZING
02/01/14
Today as I kept hitting my snooze button and climbing
back into my warm cozy bed, I noticed the imagery of how
I keep interrupting my comfort and relaxation.
I keep getting sucked out of my moment and having to reel
myself back in. I move into response mode rather than
creating choices and choosing which ones to generate into
a physical reality manifestation. I think that everything
is outside of me and must be attended to, instead of
remembering its all physically manifested expressions of
me. And I keep getting distracted by wants and lacks
instead of turning my attention towards choosing what I
desire. The so-called normal behaviours, the automatic
responses, are very familiar and therefore have a very
strong draw.
"AND WHAT WOULD
YOU JUDGE ON THAT?"
01-10-15
I cannot think of one thing that I do not place in some
hierarchal pattern in my thought process. Even toppings
for pizza! One is BETTER than the other and I can't even
fool myself to think I look at them as equal but
different. Not until I notice my belief that I have that
one is better than another and I truly own it. Then the
choice of toppings becomes simply a personal preference.
Until someone mentions anchovies - then I'm back to
judging again!
"PUNISH ME WITH
BRUTALITY" OR RE-LEARNING OUR ABCs
01-10-14
With the way things are seeming to go at this point re
the World Trade Center event, we will have to re-write
our school yard manuals.
A. When a bully approaches and hits you, kick the shit
out of them. Ask no questions. Talking won't help.
Respond to violence with violence.
B. If you don't know exactly who hit you, assume the
person you suspect most is guilty and punish accordingly.
C. If someone suggests a mediator tell them negotiation
is not an option.
I STILL FEAR MYSELF
01-09-18
All I have to do is imagine myself walking one night into
an abandoned building on the 'bad' side of town to remind
myself of how much I still fear myself and think others
create my reality. Just this morning I knocked something
over from the bureau in the dark and scared the bejeezuzz
out of myself.
CLOUDS IN MY COFFEE
01-09-11
I woke up, walked to the kitchen and poured myself a cup
of coffee and while pouring realized how much I had to go
to the bathroom. But I was pouring my coffee first so
that it would start cooling enough to drink! In that
second I realized just a bit of just how often I use this
efficient and hierarchical belief: do this, then that, to
get the desired results. This serves to keep me out of
the moment and simply choosing what I want NOW. Its a
tiny little aspect that keeps me always at a distance
from my basis and remembering I can, and am!, giving
birth to my choices only NOW.
TUG-OF-WAR
01-09-07
I cannot change what has already occurred. I cannot
un-created what I've already created. I can only choose
to create differently NOW.
There is a difference between attempting to change
something and acceptance. Attempting to change what has
already been chosen, what IS, is creating and continuing
to choose to engage a game of tug-of-war. Take anything
that is not pleasing, from a paper cut to poverty, and
attempting to change it is merely picking up the opposite
end of a rope, that I created, that I don't 'think' I
want to play with anymore.
If I really don't want to play anymore, I'll simply drop
the rope. If I don't want it anymore I will let it go,
not focusing any attention in energy on it, not choosing
it again NOW. The timeframe in which I do this varies
according to the beliefs I choose to use to create my
experience.
It takes two to play tug-of-war. I have to create sides,
opposites, extremes. But they are sides, opposites,
extremes of the SAME rope. Sometimes this is fun.
Sometimes I like to jump rope. Sometimes I like to play
with something else.
If I am not pleasing myself, it is quite easy to see how
I am creating and choosing my conflict. Rather than
accepting what I have chosen and choosing to create
differently, I am moving into attempting to change it.
I'm playing tug-of-war. I can simply choose to drop the
rope in any NOW.
"Allow yourself to hold your attention within the
now. Allow yourself the recognition of what motivates
your movements. Allow yourself the recognition of the
influence of your beliefs.
"In this, also allow yourself the acknowledgment
that you hold choice, for this is the expression of
freedom and allows you to not be locked into any
expression as an absolute, for within every moment, you
hold the ability to alter your expression and your
choice."
Elias, excerpt from Session 646 (used by permission)
CHOOSING MORE
01-09-01
So many experiences, any and all chosen now. This be-ing
in the now really brings the remembrance of I am choosing
my reality. This is how I am creating it. I halt my
attempts to change or un-create my experiences, rather I
in-joy them until I no longer desire to. Be-ing in the
now, I'm all-ways choosing more. And although they are
all connected as expressions of me, no choice has
consequences. Each choice is a different set of beliefs
I've designed to play with.
WE WE WE WE WE ALL THE
WAY HOME
01-08-26
When I notice myself speaking in plurals (‘we’
this, ‘we’ that) I also notice I’m not
trusting and accepting myself. I’m attempting to not
feel alone and solely responsible for my creation.
I’m hoping that others are in the same boat. What
I’m really doing is judging my creation, looking for
others who have created similarly and judging their
creations right along with mine. At least I’m not
the only one creating thusly! And it does not matter
whether I’m creating something ‘good’ or
‘bad.’ What I’m really doing is
perpetuating my judgments and un-acceptance under the
guise of connecting in commonality. What a tricky little
aspect of judgment and un-acceptance.
TRAINING WHEELS FOR
INNER SENSES
01-08-23
I dreamt about the machinery and mechanics, the objective
imagery we incorporate to enhance our use of our inner
senses. All outward forms of communication (telephones,
the Internet, the media, etc.) are imagery of our
interconnectedness and of our abilities within the use of
our inner senses of empathic and telepathic connecting,
conceptualization and disengagement of the experience of
time and space. The feeling that I got was that although
this imagery reminds us of our abilities, when we create
an un-incorporation of it like thru having our server be
down or our phones shut off we are creating an
opportunity to engage our inner senses without the
‘training wheels,’ so to speak, of this
imagery.
My friend is taking a licensing test today. I wanted to
call and wish her well but found she’d left already.
When I did finally track her down she said she knew I was
sending her energy because I was in her dream last night.
The energy creates its intention simultaneous to
it’s creation, the outside objective imagery is a
reflection in confirmation.
All my writings stored on computer are simply imagery of
my widening views and perceptions. The files and folders
can be lost or deleted, but not the information. Imagery
is finite but energy isn’t.
DNA
01-08-19
DNA testing is objective imagery that there are no
secrets within consciousness.
FEARING HEAVEN
01-08-16
According to the most commonly held mass beliefs, after
someone dies they go to some 'other' place, a type of
heaven or at least a more enlightened space. (I'm aware I
am grossly generalizing but it's to make a point.) This
has always made me question why it is there is such a
fear of death. This fear of death is not logical to me.
When we have a close brush with death, why is the
automatic response to be grateful that death didn't
occur? If death allows us entrance to this wonderful
heaven-like space, why is our response not one of
disappointment? Imagine coming close to death and having
our first response be, "Damn! So close!" (Of
course we all know suicide is a sin <g>, so that's
not the easy ticket.)
Personally I don't believe in any heaven-like space, but
I do think this analogy illustrates how we respond
automatically in mistrust of ourselves. We assume that
there are accidents that could lead to death or some
other misfortune at every turn and avoiding them takes up
much of our thinking. What if we naturally create 'for'
ourselves rather than 'against' ourselves, as this
analogy suggests? What if there's something more
enjoyable around every corner?
TOO HOT TO HANDLE
01-08-07
Another day in the 90s. I find it a bit ironic that I
feel "on a roll" to accomplish things yet the
weather seems to physically immobilize me. I can choose
to struggle thru it, or not. A thrifty way to remind
myself its not in the doing, its in the be-ing. Why go
out and get it when I can draw it towards me? Amazing, my
beliefs in struggle and effort.
CHARITABLE 'ACTS'
01-08-06
A
friend of mine volunteers at a food pantry. For a few
hours each week he unloads the trucks and stocks the
pantry and in return gets to take home a weeks worth of
groceries. My first thought after being told of his
volunteer work was that it was very kind of him to help,
and it is. But then I got to thinking. If he's getting
paid, even in groceries, is it really volunteering? A
weeks worth of groceries for a few hours work is not too
shabby pay! And isn't the food collected meant to go to
'needy' families?
I once worked for a time at a 'resource center' that
received food from a food pantry. Once a week a truck
would come by and leave bags of food that we were to give
to the 'needy' in the neighborhood. Imagine my surprise
when I discovered much of it was eaten by the employees
as their lunches.
FORGET-ME-NOTS
01-08-05
The
forget-me-nots in the garden developed mildew. No big
deal but then other plants started getting it too. James
did a search on the internet and the cure is to wipe each
leaf with alcohol. Each leaf. Each leaf on each plant.
Who came up with that bright idea? A practically
impossible task. So James did nothing and let the plants
cure themselves. Funny the way we present messages to
ourselves.
PAUSE TO PET THE CAT
01-07-16
I'm quickly going to the bathroom before taking my son to
work. We're picking up his co-worker on the way and were
running late. Meanwhile one of my cats (the one that
wakes me up to remember my dreams) rubs against my legs
and I start to say something like, "Excuse me! I'm
late! Can you please get out from under my feet!"
But I pause. And I pet the cat. One, two, three swipes of
my hand across his length and it feels blissful! And it
took what? About 7 seconds? 7 blissful seconds that I was
willing to go without because hurrying seemed more
important.
How many times have I sacrificed feeling blissful for
feeling something less pleasant? This blissful feeling is
what most people put off every day of their lives except
for 2 weeks vacation each year, if that. These blissful
feelings are what comprise living a life of bliss. It is
not the trip to Disneyland that we remember, it's the
blissful feelings that we allowed ourselves to experience
that is the memory we carry with us. Disneyland is just
the title of the memory.
When I offered my online class "Living Your Bliss
Now," I asked that the participants express to me
what the first 5 minutes of their day would be like if
they were living their bliss. None of them kept their
responses to the first 5 minutes, many of them described
a full day and most of them elaborated on an entire
lifestyle. In other words, all of them projected far into
the future. The other common denominator was that all of
them were in fact already living many aspects of their
bliss but were completely unaware of it.
This projecting of obtaining bliss in the future,
together with not noticing its occurrence in the present
moment, is what keeps it at a distance. It's choosing in
the ever-present now to perpetuate bliss forever being
elusive. I'll take 7 seconds now.
SIMULTANEOUS DUVETS
01-07-15
Today as
I was daydreaming on my bed my vision began to alter. I
watched as the flowered design on my duvet seemed to move
up out of the background giving it a 3D effect. As I
continued relaxing my focus the colors became brighter
and soon I viewed how it was alive with energy.
This experience is not new or unfamiliar to me. Indeed I
do this, and other vision altering experiences, quite
often. Sometimes I choose to view the energy within a
physical design, like in this case, and at others I watch
as the physical design dissipates and I view only the
energy imprint. I do this often with the porch railing
outside my window, allowing myself to view it there, and
then not there. Other times I view just the energy
without constructing it into any particular design or
imprint. Viewing energy is not foreign to me.
What was surprising to me today though was that after I
returned my vision to so-called normal I realized that
the duvet I had viewed was one from my past. This is the
first time I remember incorporating simultaneous time
into this type of experience. (I know all time is
simultaneous, but this was the first time I was aware of
noticing.)
The duvet I viewed was one I had not had for about 7
years. This brought the idea of simultaneous time into an
actuality for me in a different type of experience than I
have ever had with it before. It also brought home, so to
speak, the beginnings of conceptualization that all of my
focuses of attention are occurring in an ever-present
now, intricately and intimately interwoven. Within
another layer of my consciousness I am viewing another
duvet, or a field of flowers, or something similar in
design and tone, with other focuses of attention. I
merely intersected two.
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